P2p installment Loan needed for 25% return on investment - $1,500 (Anderson)

Due to a less then civil divorce, my assets and finances are not available, and as well all know life has a way of going on.
I find myself in need of $1500.
00 to cover rent, which is due today Jan 3rd 2024.
I'm offering to pay back $2000.
00 total either by 4 installments of $500.
00 over 8 weeks to be paid every other weeks or in a Single lump sum as soon as a clerical issue is worked out with my wife's retirement fund.
Proof of income the 403b retirement fund as well as forsaid clerical issue can be provided upon request and I'm also willing to sign a legally binding agreement in regards to payback.
Only serious responses please.
Please text with your response we will set up a call or a zoom after initial contact and verification of intent